BUT, I have a plan and I start on November 26th. I will update with my progress, but hopefully by November 2013 I will be 202 lbs LIGHTER!!!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Need to Shed the Pounds
BUT, I have a plan and I start on November 26th. I will update with my progress, but hopefully by November 2013 I will be 202 lbs LIGHTER!!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
The Story of My Family
Originally, I planned to get married and have children as soon as possible. After trying, unsuccessfully, to conceive, my husband and I decided to explore other options. We began to consider being foster parents. We could help a child, we reasoned, while trying to decide the best way to get one of our own.
Foster parenting provided us with an opportunity to parent and we loved it. After our first client was reunited with his mother, we received a call about a little 6 year old girl. Parenting this child with a history of trauma and neglect was not smooth sailing. She tested us and pushed limits to see if we also would send her away. She acted out in ways that I did not like or initially understand.
But, as we worked with Candice, and God worked in her, she sparkled more and more. She is a wonderful treasure. She is gentle, loving, giving, and forgiving. She is bright, talented, creative, and funny. We finalized her adoption when she was 9.
We continued to minister to many children with special needs. Then one day, sweet Rodney entered our lives. We visited him at the children’s hospital. Besides Down’s syndrome, Rodney’s chart listed numerous medical conditions, and at the age of 4 had been given less than a year to live. We had to be trained in how to feed him, administer his medicine, care for his tracheotomy, adjust his oxygen levels, and what to do when he stopped breathing. We brought him home so that he wouldn’t have to die alone.
But in a testament to God’s grace, modern medicine, and the healing power of a mother and father's love, Rodney is now an exuberant 12 year old. Also known as “Hot Rod,” he keeps moving until bedtime: playing, learning, helping his dad and laughing. A family court judge “officially” added him to our family in November 2006.
We now have plenty of activity in our home- in December of 2006 we became parents to a third child, this time the bundle of joy we envisioned welcoming into our home nine years after marriage.
In July of 2009, we welcomed Raymond Bryce, our blue eyed boy, into our family.
As we were loving on Bryce, his brother was born a town away 5 months later, we just didn't know it. In 2011, our family decided to adopt again and we saw Jai on the DSS website of children waiting for homes. We inquired about him in May of 2011 and heard back immediately. We began the adoptive process for a third time and welcomed him into our home in March of 2012. Jai Tru has cerebral palsy, HIE, GERD, and brain damage from being deprived of oxygen when he was 3 months old. We finalized his adoption in May of 2012.
I know we have the family God designed for us. Who knows what the future holds for us. We all feel blessed to have eachother.
Foster parenting provided us with an opportunity to parent and we loved it. After our first client was reunited with his mother, we received a call about a little 6 year old girl. Parenting this child with a history of trauma and neglect was not smooth sailing. She tested us and pushed limits to see if we also would send her away. She acted out in ways that I did not like or initially understand.
But, as we worked with Candice, and God worked in her, she sparkled more and more. She is a wonderful treasure. She is gentle, loving, giving, and forgiving. She is bright, talented, creative, and funny. We finalized her adoption when she was 9.
We continued to minister to many children with special needs. Then one day, sweet Rodney entered our lives. We visited him at the children’s hospital. Besides Down’s syndrome, Rodney’s chart listed numerous medical conditions, and at the age of 4 had been given less than a year to live. We had to be trained in how to feed him, administer his medicine, care for his tracheotomy, adjust his oxygen levels, and what to do when he stopped breathing. We brought him home so that he wouldn’t have to die alone.
But in a testament to God’s grace, modern medicine, and the healing power of a mother and father's love, Rodney is now an exuberant 12 year old. Also known as “Hot Rod,” he keeps moving until bedtime: playing, learning, helping his dad and laughing. A family court judge “officially” added him to our family in November 2006.
We now have plenty of activity in our home- in December of 2006 we became parents to a third child, this time the bundle of joy we envisioned welcoming into our home nine years after marriage.
In July of 2009, we welcomed Raymond Bryce, our blue eyed boy, into our family.
As we were loving on Bryce, his brother was born a town away 5 months later, we just didn't know it. In 2011, our family decided to adopt again and we saw Jai on the DSS website of children waiting for homes. We inquired about him in May of 2011 and heard back immediately. We began the adoptive process for a third time and welcomed him into our home in March of 2012. Jai Tru has cerebral palsy, HIE, GERD, and brain damage from being deprived of oxygen when he was 3 months old. We finalized his adoption in May of 2012.
I know we have the family God designed for us. Who knows what the future holds for us. We all feel blessed to have eachother.
Out of the Shadows (The Story of Me)
The lure of the tall tree grew stronger as I rounded the bend leading to my secret refuge. Climbing over moss covered roots and around large rocks, I found my way to the gigantic tree. It didn’t matter that I was alone. It didn’t matter that it was so late in the evening- that darkness was about to win its battle with the receding daylight.
Nor did it matter that I was only 7 years old. I had to run away- somewhere far from the constant turmoil of living in a home full of abuse, rejection, shame, and deceit. From a mom too depressed to get out of bed and a father whose violent rages made our house a daily battlefield and dark secrets that to this day I cannot piece together.
Do you really know me, God? Are you there?
I spent many years numbing my hurt. I was so broken, but trying to appear to others that I was the perfect Christian kid in the perfect Christian family that everybody expected me to be. For a long time, I thought if I just kept focused on God's Word, I'd find relief. But the depression just got worse. Spiritually, I couldn’t feel God’s presence. I couldn’t understand why He didn’t heal me. Reading the Bible didn’t help. I couldn’t even pray.
What am I going to do with my life? Am I ever going to make it?
I determined that I must leave my former life behind, act as if it didn’t exist. I thought if I was able to let it all go, I would not be affected by my past. But the accumulation of so many years was taking its toll. Once again the feelings of having to be that perfect Christian overwhelmed me. I felt panic and anxiety because I could never be that person.
At a time in my life when the world was supposed to be opening up to me, I found myself retreating. Apathetic, uncaring, tired, and with no particular vision for any future, I subtly drifted into a world without hope.
My regular doctor seemed to notice that I wasn’t myself. He was very concerned and called in a mental health therapist. I didn’t see how sick I had become. I was so tired and confused, had difficulty making decisions, and had considered a plan to end my life. I was committed to a psychiatric facility.
My personal belongings were rummaged through, and I headed down the long hallway to doctors and a treatment team that became my “family.”
I was numb, trying to see through a haze that had settled upon what once was vivid and bright. All color had seeped from a life that used to hold such joy. Some people didn't understand my depression. They regarded it as a bad case of the Sunday evening blues, believing that if I tried harder and stopped feeling sorry for myself, I would “get better.” But I wasn't just dealing with apathy. I couldn't remedy being sick with a strenuous run, a good movie, or simply the passing of time. Depression transcended my circumstances and invaded my soul. It was more like a day terror — like waking up to a nightmare. Clinical depression painted my world black while screaming quietly that I was worthless.
God if you’re real please, help me.
Immediately, words of hope found their way deep into my heart. Don’t focus on your problems; let me shine through your life. Look around you.
It was the kindness, compassion, love and truth demonstrated in the hospital that began unlocking my wounds, hurts and distorted thinking. I was learning from the worn lives around me. Lives I would have once felt pity for or wanted to distance myself from. They were the ones who possessed strength and courage. They had suffered abuse, neglect, addiction and illnesses. They felt misplaced and forgotten; they were told they didn't matter.
When I was depressed, I was completely turned inward. I couldn't see past my own shame. It warmed me, but like a scratchy blanket, brought its own discomfort. The irony is, until I recognized my depression for what it was, I wasn't able to turn outward and accept love and love in return.
I did look around. I began to see others that I could help. I understood their pain. These people may never have initially stepped foot inside a church, but I could help point them to Jesus.
With all my imperfections, my heavenly Father showed me that He’ll shine through all the areas in my life.
The pain of having missed out on the love and nurturing I needed is deep and real. Facing it and walking through forgiveness is one of the toughest parts of my journey to healing. However, God sees me, knows me, cherishes me, and cares for me more profoundly and perfectly than anyone else ever could.
God, what would you have me do?
My story is still in progress. But I tackle each challenge as it arises, and thank God for every day He chooses to give me. And I make myself available to others who are struggling, thankful that God can use my trials to help others. I live every day fully aware that there are many godly, Christ-centered people who turn daily to the Lord to gain the strength to win their battle against depression.
General Introductions
I am a mom of 5 beautiful children. My oldest daughter is 17, then after her comes my 12 year old son, my 5 year old daughter, and two adorable 2 year olds. Three out of the 5 are adopted and 2 are biological. Two of my children are medically fragile.
I taught special education in various settings for 12 years. Now I'm at home. Amongst many things, I am mom, teacher, nurse, etc.
I was born and grew up in the West Indies, missionary kid or MK. Went to a high school in Florida and then graduated with a B.S. in Special Education in South Carolina. I taught in South Carolina in various areas (classrooms, group homes, homebound, hospital settings, etc.). Growing up is shrouded by abuse, I may talk about that later. This is me when I was 7.
My family means so much to me. I met my husband while volunteering at Special Olympics. Who knew we would go on to marry and adopt kids with special needs. I've been married to my best friend for 14 years. I feel blessed.
This blog is about a journey. Some will be about my past journey, but mostly it will be about my journey with my family.
I taught special education in various settings for 12 years. Now I'm at home. Amongst many things, I am mom, teacher, nurse, etc.
I was born and grew up in the West Indies, missionary kid or MK. Went to a high school in Florida and then graduated with a B.S. in Special Education in South Carolina. I taught in South Carolina in various areas (classrooms, group homes, homebound, hospital settings, etc.). Growing up is shrouded by abuse, I may talk about that later. This is me when I was 7.
My family means so much to me. I met my husband while volunteering at Special Olympics. Who knew we would go on to marry and adopt kids with special needs. I've been married to my best friend for 14 years. I feel blessed.
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